I’m boxed in. The decisions that would move me forward aren’t mine to make. So, I’m stuck – and tempted to become discouraged, angry, and resentful.
So, I followed the advice of St Ignatius of Loyola: ask the Lord to “take and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, my entire will, all I have and possess…Give me only your love and your grace. They are enough for me.”
And the first time I prayed this prayer in earnest a couple of weeks ago, I could feel the Lord breaking up logjams inside me.
Then, friends have sent messages of support:
A good friend told me to have no expectations for my life, except the Lord’s love for me.
A wise Jesuit told me that when I wait with patience and hope, I give glory to God.
Another good friend said that I’m in the tomb on Holy Saturday, awaiting the resurrection.
These are such wonderful images and insights that have been so helpful. My experience is that what I need at any moment or era of my life comes to me.
Because the Lord is always looking for me to care for me.
My challenge is always to be sure that I have found him looking for me in each day.
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3 comments:
Wow. I can so relate.
I've been in the tomb for years now, myself, pining away for the resurrection.
Lots of food for thought here.
It hurts, this sitting and waiting business.
What I find unbearable is the mental urgency..what is going to be decided or come about is beyond MY control and I have absolutely no clue as to what I will be doing(although I know what I want to do)
there is absolutely nothing I can do(but sit and wait and allow God to do an inner work in the middle of the 'stew')...
Then there are those words of Scripture which echo through my mind as I age .."a thousand years is as but a day with the Lord"...and I feel like screaming..."Lord,did you forget that we are still living in 'time' here on this end?"
But....He knows every thing about me better than I know myself! LOL
All I can do is wait,love Him and know that His will definitely will come about.
psalm 139 is my life Psalm and has been my strong arm through times of waiting.
As I retire in 4 months after 35 years of a fabulous career,knowing that I am to take an early retirement for something else in life, I hold on to that Psalm as I launch into a deeper walk with Him.
Unknowing.
Yet trusting
...in waiting.
I share this wonderful psalm:
Psalm 139:1-18
1
1 For the leader. A psalm of David. O LORD, you have probed me, you know me:
2
2 you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar.
3
My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar.
4
Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all.
5
Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me.
6
Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach.
7
Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee?
8
If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too.
9
3 If I fly with the wings of dawn and alight beyond the sea,
10
Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand hold me fast.
11
4 If I say, "Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light" --
12
Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one.
13
You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb.
14
I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew;
15
5 my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth.
16
Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be.
17
How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!
18
Were I to count, they would outnumber the sands; to finish, I would need eternity.
teresa,
Psalm 139 is one of my favorites. I also love Psalm 130 (De Profundis). And Psalm 91.
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